Things that make me happier than they probably should.

What do you do when you're in a dreary mood? Think about things that make you happy of course.

1. People who say thank you!
A simple thing, really. I'm a big fan of manners and polite people, so at work, when customers say thank you ever so sincerely, it puts a big smile on my face. Especially when children have lovely manners.

2. Polka dots.

Enough said.

3. Green lights all the way home on the bus.

Nothing beats getting home from uni in about 12 minutes flat.

4. New stationery. 

This is something that makes me incredibly, disproportionately happy. The crisp, fresh pages of a notebook and a wonderful pen just scream joy to me. 

5. Mutual smiling.

6. The cold side of the pillow.

7. Fresh French fries.

8. When people enjoy my baking.

9. Receiving mail!

10. Saying major histocompatibility complex.

11. Sincere apologies.

12. La Valse d'Amelie. 

13. Christmas lights.

14. People asking for my advice and following through with it.

15. My second hand books.

16. Soft drinks in glass bottles.

17. Sweet, milky Darjeeling tea.

18. Holding someone's hand.

19. Random Facebook conversations with my crazy friends.

20. Teaching people about biology.

And finally... 21. 

There we go, feeling better already. 

A few things that inspire me...

"If you only do what you know you can do, you never do very much." 

1. The honourable Sir Howard Florey. If I had never been told the story of Florey and his colleagues, I don't know if I ever would have put my dreams into action and pursue Medicine as a career. Having said that, I am currently studying Biomedical Science with no intention of going on to Medicine at this stage... BUT, while Florey was a doctor of medicine, he was a pharmacologist and pathologist in the fields of immunology and bacteriology, which is precisely what I want to go into the future. If I can achieve half as much as he did during his life I will be able to die happy. Knowing that an Australian scientist, who even went to my uni, has done something to help the world in such an astounding way inspires me to do better each and everyday. If he can do it, it's not impossible for me to as well. 

2. Lookbook.nu, the 50s and 60s and Zooey Deschanel. The three things that inspire the style I try to achieve. It works a lot better in my head, and when I actually go to the effort of putting together a nice outfit. One part all the girliness you could ever imagine, two parts effortless vintage chic. I like finding treasures in op shops, I like pretty dresses with black tights, ballet flats, all things with polka dots! I like things that are a bit different to what everyone else seems to be wearing. And if I'm ever feeling unsure about what to do with whatever is in my wardrobe, lookbook.nu is my go to place for fashion inspiration.

3. Velta Vingelis, and all the others who taught Biology 1-XXX this year. Before when I said I had no intention of going into Medicine anymore? Well, these people are the reason why. Whether this is a good thing or not I am yet to decide! All I'd ever wanted to do was be a paediatrician, skip forward to second semester this year when I realise all I want to do with my life is research, and the epiphany that I would be quite content sitting in a lab for the rest of my working life. This was a big deal for me; I'd always said I wouldn't end up a "lab geek", that it wasn't for me, that I'd rather be out on the field, but I was wrong. Until this year I didn't know what I really wanted or who I really was. Their lectures, along with the humour that the majority of biology professors seem to have, really inspired me to step outside of what I'd always known. I was naive and had no idea what was out there, and they opened up my eyes to the kind of opportunities that laid beyond graduation. 

4. My high school teachers, in particular, Karen Rhode, Tegan Whittard and Bruce Mules. It probably seems very typical to be throwing teachers in the mix here, but I really wouldn't be who I am today if it weren't for them. It's not that they showed me the way to my dream career (although two of them helped me see the joy in science), but they showed me the value of learning. If I could spend the rest of my life learning, I would be a very happy Karagh. They taught me that through education one can make a better life for themselves. Just by understanding the world around you, you can make it a happier place to live in.

5. My friends. Finally, my close friends. You don't have to be an authority figure, or a famous person to be able to inspire someone. These people do it daily. Some of you drive me crazy, some of you are never around, and some of you are completely mad. But through your achievements, the way you overcome your obstacles, and the encouragement and support you offer me, you inspire me to be a better person. Your strength, talent, intelligence... Your entire auras are the reason I am where I am now. You've not only influenced my life decisions, but you've helped me through set backs that were threatening my future and my happiness. Even if you don't realise you're doing it, or you're not trying, you are the most inspiring people on this list.

Loneliness, or frustration?

I live away from home to go to uni, so on holidays, I spend just about all time at my family's house in a country town. I normally get really excited about coming home on the holidays, and I get devastated when I leave, but this time, everything feels different. It's not being around my family that's done it; if I had my way I'd take my family back to Adelaide with me. It's not work; I love my job here. It's just... The general vibe of the town. The stench of drama, loneliness, bitchiness. My town, isn't as bad as people make it out to be. I mean, there's just as much going on in other places as there is here, but I can't escape it like I can in Adelaide. If I'm feeling blue, suffocated, whatever, when I'm living away from home, I can be alone and if I want, I can go somewhere new, somewhere different. I can distract myself, I can study, I sleep it off. I don't feel like I can do that here.

I wouldn't be feeling this way if there wasn't something to trigger it, and I have been a bit down in the dumps lately due to sickness, so it's given me time to think. I'm lonely here. I know, it's strange, being lonely when I'm surrounded by my friends and family, compared to being in Adelaide where I could go days without talking to someone. But you don't have to be alone to be lonely. I thought I had it all, but over the last couple of weeks, people have drifted away like sticks thrown into the sea. Whether I pushed them or not, well, that doesn't concern me right now. What concerns me is that I don't feel like I have a soul in the world that I can confide in.

Even if you're the kind of person who likes being by themselves the majority of the time, we all need a friend at some point of our lives. I know I have friends, but I still feel excluded and desolate. Like there is no point in me being here but to make mum happy and earn some pretty sweet cash while before the study starts up again. There is so much to get out, so much I want to scream, but it's like no one is listening. Everyone has other priorities, everyone has their own lives. Maybe I should just stop complaining about it and get out there and set my own priorities straight. All I know, is I would do anything to be back in Adelaide some nights, because it's easier to cry there, than it is to in a town where you should be the happiest girl in the world.

Chaos is what killed the dinosaurs, darling.

I think we all love to have a bit of drama in our lives. Without it, I can't even imagine how boring my days would be. Not necessarily drama in our relationships, our friendships, our family, but gossip; glorious gossip. Over the last two days I've caught up with two of my best friends who I hadn't seen for quite some time, and I noticed that the first thing we do is line up all the juicy gossip we have to share. We giggle, we gasp, we get sad on the behalf of the people involved. Honestly, the drama in my small home town is exciting when it's not happening to me. But even when the tables turn, who doesn't love a bit of a chaos to liven things up?

I'm not a firm believer in arguing with people but I can be incredibly melodramatic, and I like standing up for myself and my friends. I enjoy it. And as bad as it sounds, I enjoy getting on people's nerves if they pester me. I enjoy voicing my opinion, and I enjoy, shall we say... Heated discussions with people. When a controversial topic is brought up in a tutorial at uni, I'm straight onto it. As shy I can be, if I understand something well enough to debate it, I pipe up as soon as I get a chance and I won't back down. Perhaps I do go looking for drama, tear-jerkers, heartbreak and conflict. Perhaps I do crave the excitement and social clashes. Perhaps I love getting involved and voicing my opinion. Perhaps I love getting wrapped up in whatever's happening in my friend's lives because nothing ever seems to happen in mine. Perhaps that's a good thing.

These aren't really good qualities, but hey, I'm not afraid to admit that I'm a perhaps too outwardly spoken drama queen. Chaos and drama can be incredibly heartbreaking and saddening, and of course (I need to back myself up here in case the vultures attack) I would not wish those kind of events upon myself or anyone around me just because I feel my life needs a bit of commotion to keep it interesting enough for me. Even if some people are afraid to admit it, we don't want our lives to turn into a stagnant swamp; we need a bit of chaos, even in the form of gossip with friends, to feed us the elation we so crave. But on a final note, let us be sure not to hurt anyone in the process.

Au revoir mes amis.

It's only just beginning.

Today I finished my final exam. Chemistry, blah. I can't even find the words to describe how much I detest Chemistry. But alas, it's over now. Although my performance could have been better (to say the least) I've learned not to get down about it. Worst case scenario, I have to sit a supplementary exam or repeat the topic. Best case scenario? I pass. Eep. It does make me nervous, but what's done is done, and I have survived my first year at university.

What a funny year it's been. Funny? Maybe that's not the right word to use here. Crazy? That seems to suit the situation much better. The last 11 months or so have been full of ups and downs and all those lessons I was supposed to learn and maybe shouldn't have learnt so soon. Brilliant people, tough classes, new expectations, different desires for the future... I've found myself this year. It's almost as if the real me was hiding beneath someone who was pretending. Pretending to be someone she wasn't so she could fit in with people she didn't really need. But over the last semester, I've surrounded myself with people and things that have made me happier than I could have ever imagined, and all of a sudden the pieces fit into place. Everything makes sense, and while I'm still trying to figure out where I want to be in life, I feel more real than I have for a very long time.

I've lost friends and made friends. I've learnt how it feels to love, to lose, to have your heart broken time after time again. I've failed for the first time in my life, but achieved things I never would have dreamed of. This year has been tough, and make no mistake future first year uni students, it's nothing like school. You're going to have to work your butt off to pass, you're going to learn how it feels to pull an all nighter reading journal articles that make absolutely not sense, doing long days and nights on campus, all while being in the best kind of learning atmosphere possible. I've learnt how it feels to be a mature student, responsible for my own education in an inspirational and vocationally driven environment.

All in all, this year was everything I wanted it to be and more. I don't have the huge group of Adelaide friends I thought I would, I'm not acing all my classes and I'm still not as independent as I'd like to be. But I've come out alive, and that's something to be proud of.

It's been a while!

You can tell I've been working harder this semester, I haven't posted since uni went back after the mid-year break, but here I am now, writing in the midst of my final exam week. I have to wonder what on Earth has possessed me to start writing in the busiest and most stressful week of the term, but that's just it I suppose, the stress. Adelaide is lonely, I'll be the first to say. Living away from home is especially hard when you're embarking on such an important part of your life, and your best friends are three hours away. Yes, I know, three hours doesn't seem like they're very far away, but my gosh, it definitely feels like it when I'm having a big sook.

If there's one thing I've learnt this year it's that there isn't always going to be someone there to talk to. You try so hard not to bother your friends, or you don't feel close enough to your new friends to drop a bomb shell on them when you're feeling down, or you simply don't have a soul in the world who you know is going to be all ears. I've learnt that this doesn't end well. Everyone's different, I know this. Some people don't talk to anyone about how they're feeling, or their problems, they just deal with things themselves and it works out fine. I am not one of those people. If I don't talk to someone the sadness just eats away at me. I'm a big sap when something upsets me. I simply must have a cry and know someone's always there. I'm not clingy, I'm not pathetic, I'm not always sad. I just really like talking to people.

Unfortunately, I've hit this point in my life where I feel like my world is falling apart around me. I think that's why I'm writing this post. At the moment, I'm slipping out of control, and the perfect walls I'd built up are crumbling down. And I have no one to talk to. Yes, I have Rebecca, and Maddi and Sarah (my favourite people in the whole world, and they know it too) but once again, distance has come between us. What I would give to have someone I could go to, someone who was just around the corner, someone who I could count on, to have fun with and make me forget about all these pointless things I stress over and make me smile. I guess it's reasons like these that I wish I had a boyfriend, but it's not necessary. All I need is a friend who enjoys my company as much as I enjoy theirs.

Yes, I know what this is starting to sounds. Wah wah wah, I have no friends. My life sucks, wah wah wah. But it doesn't. I have an amazing bunch of friends, and nearly everything I could possibly want in life. But lately, I'm losing that. I feel like I'm losing the one person I connected with down here, because of my stupid feelings and my annoyance complex. I'm tired of feeling like I bother everyone around me, and I'm tired of feeling lonely. Tired of friendships that make no sense to me, but tired of chasing after people when I don't know if they even want me around. Tired of it all. But what happens if I just give up? I don't want to think about it.

Advice to my non-existent offspring.

1. Don't get into cars with people you don't trust. Something my parents told me, and I have adhered to this rule a hell of a lot more than I have with any others. Have you ever had those police officers visit your school and tell you about car accidents? Yeah. Freaked me out. There's only a few people I'll let me drive me around.

2. For the love of God, don't have sex with someone you don't love or trust. And use protection. Enough said.

3. Actually try in school, please. It's hard, when your friends are acting like idiots, and it does look oh so fun. But knuckle down and work hard. From my experience, it does pay off.

4. Don't be afraid of love and heartbreak. But at the same, don't waste your time chasing after people who aren't worth it. I've done this, and it only ends badly. Sometimes you just need to throw in the towel and move on. If I had done this things really would have been so much easier. You know, what doesn't kill you really does make you stronger. And as corny and cliche as it sounds, there are plenty of fish in the sea.

5. It's okay to follow trends, but don't let it stop you from being who you truly are. You're unique, accept that.

6. People are arseholes. There will be arseholes at school, arseholes at work, arseholes at uni. Don't take it personally, it's not you, it's them.

7. If something goes wrong, it really isn't the end of the world. There is no need for a complete mental breakdown, because most of time things can be fixed, or worked through. Everyone has the strength within them to get through anything, so don't make things more of a drama than they need to be.

8. Realise who your real friends are before it's too late. Stay away from the bitches.

9. When you have to sit next to someone on the bus, choose a nice old lady or a guy in a suit.

10. Stay in school, don't do drugs, and try your hardest at absolutely everything you do. Life is a beautiful thing, make the most of it.