Friendship

Friendship has always baffled me. It seems like no matter how much effort I put in, or how hard I try to be a good friend, I just can't get it right. But it's now I realise, I shouldn't have to do those things for a friendship to work. No, I'm not saying that you should stop trying in a friendship, my point more so refers to being the only one who does put in the effort. It feels like, with some people, things don't go anywhere unless I try. Unless I say the first word in conversation, unless I ask them to hang out, unless I ask them for help at a time of need. And in all honesty, it gets tiring. Like any relationship, friendship is a two-way street. For a friendship to flower both people need to communicate and be there for each other, and it seems like this is happening less and less in the friendships going on in my life. I don't know if it's just me. I get frustrated very easily and lose my patience with people. But when someone is constantly shutting down your advice and still complaining, what can you do? When they cause drama over the smallest things? When they don't support you? When they start to criticise your other friends? There is a line, and when it's crossed, you will get no sympathy from me. There's those friends who make a big deal out of everything and drag you down with them. There are those friends who'll ditch you the moment someone better comes along. There are those friends who take everything they need before running off to the next person they need something from. I know what you're thinking, I need a new friends. And you know what? I probably do. I said to my mother just last night, sometimes I wish I could just have male friends. Life would be simpler, easier. But who would I talk about shoes with? I wouldn't have anyone to discuss boys with. And I wouldn't be able to have my bitching sessions when they are required. I love my friends, most of them anyway. And we're all drama queens, girls are never going to get along perfectly (there are some exceptions to this, ie. my best friends). It all comes down to how long we can put up with each other, and whether it's going to be worth it in the end.

My Study Playlist

Yes, it that awful, awful time of year - exams! It is during this time that I begin to appreciate my music a lot more than I normally do. I can't study in silence, I always need to have music playing, so I've come up with a list of songs that I personally enjoy listening to while I'm cramming all of that information into my brain in the week leading up to those horrible things.

I think everyone needs to start with songs that will get them going, before exhaustion and, probably to a greater extent, boredom hits. You need boppy, happy songs, nothing depressing.

Hold Music - Architecture in Helsinki
Valerie - Mark Ronson/Amy Winehouse
Oh Hark! - Lisa Mitchell
The Well and the Lighthouse - The Arcade Fire
Witchdoctor - Little Red
Life is Better With You - Eskimo Joe
Wheels - Foo Fighters
E-Boogie - The Living End
Magic Fountain - Art vs Science
Sunday Best - Washington
Alice May - Andy Clockwise
Good Dancers - The Sleepy Jackson
Dawn of the Dead - Does it Offend You Yeah?
Catch my Disease - Ben Lee
Ta Douleur - Camille

You know, just to name a few...

And then, when the day is wearing thin, you need some motivational music to pick yourself back up again!

Teenager of the Year - Lo-Tel
Affirmation - Savage Garden
Today - Smashing Pumpkins
Everybody Hurts - REM
The Motivation Proclamation - Good Charlotte (obviously)
Defying Gravity - Wicked Cast (well, I have the Glee version)
Somewhere Over the Rainbow - Judy Garland

AND THE ULTIMATE MOTIVATIONAL SONG...

I always listen to this before uni and it never, ever fails to get me going.

So what do you like to listen to when you're hitting the books?

Decisions - Is it too early to start making them?

Over the last few weeks, I've been thinking a lot about my personality and the way I act in certain situations. I'm writing a blog post about this because getting my thoughts down in writing seems like the easiest way to clarify them. I'm starting to think that I should stick with being a medical scientist and not continue on to being a doctor. Over-thinking things has always been a terrible habit of mine, and I don't know whether it's too soon to start thinking about something that's so far into the future, or if it's important to make these kind of decisions now. I know, I'll never truly know until I get there, but what if I do study Medicine for four years and then realise I'm not cut out for it when I begin my internship? I don't think I am emotionally strong enough to be a doctor, nor am I very good at making quick, accurate decisions in critical moments. I handle pressure well, but when it comes to making the right choices on the spot, I just crack. I don't think I could handle someone dying on me, I don't think I could handle not being able to help someone... I know I've said I want to specialise in pathology, which is okay, because those "patients" are either dead, or you're just working in the lab. But there's still the four years working in a hospital prior to specialising; that's what scares me. I know I'm still young, I have a lot to learn about life still and I am sure experience will make my emotional "intelligence" so to speak a lot stronger than it is now. But I still worry. I want to be a doctor, I have for years. There's nothing more I want to do with my life than to be a healer. I want to cure the ill, help those who need and rely on me. But maybe I'll have to do it in other ways, I might not be right for this career at all.

My Personality

I've been trying to come up with new ways to procrastinate while studying for my exams (which are in two weeks, eep!) and I distracted myself from Psychology revision with a personality test; almost ironic right? This was just a short online quiz, 72 questions, apparently based on the Myers-Briggs Personality Test.

And so after answering questions as honestly as possible, it was revealed that my personality type is INFJ. Hmm, what does this mean? According to this result, I am...

• A moderately expressed introvert
• I have a distinctively expressed intuitive personality
• A moderately expressed feeling personality
• And a slightly expressed judging personality

It then went on to tell me that I should be a teacher, a counsellor, or work in social service, because apparently those four letters correspond to 'counsellor'. Uh, no thanks. But the rest of it was pretty spot on! Here's the description it gave me.

"Beneath the quiet exterior, INFJs hold deep convictions about the weightier matters of life. Those who are activists, INFJs gravitate toward such a role, are there for the cause, not for personal glory or political power. INFJs are champions of the oppressed and downtrodden. They often are found in the wake of an emergency, rescuing those who are in acute distress. INFJs may fantasize about getting revenge on those who victimize the defenseless. The concept of 'poetic justice' is appealing to the INFJ. Accurately suspicious about others' motives, INFJs are not easily led. These are the people that you can rarely fool any of the time. Though affable and sympathetic to most, INFJs are selective about their friends. Such a friendship is a symbiotic bond that transcends mere words. INFJs have a knack for fluency in language and facility in communication. In addition, nonverbal sensitivity enables the INFJ to know and be known by others intimately. Writing, counseling, public service and even politics are areas where INFJs frequently find their niche."

Blah blah blah, I jumped down to the part when it told me about famous INFJs. Jerry Seinfeld, Nicole Kidman, Mel Gibson, Martin Luther King Jr... Mother Teresa? Interesting.

I think these kind of tests are quite good at picking up people's personalities. Unless you were completely dishonest, your results would give a good picture at what you're like. 

Time for me to ask you guys some questions...

I know you guys are all going to be jealous when I tell you this, but today, I did gel electrophoresis in my biology practical. Okay, maybe you're not jealous, but it was a pretty exciting experience for me. I can't say I did very well with actually putting the DNA in the wells of the gel; my hands are apparently too shaky for lab work, which poses a bit of a problem considering I'll probably be doing it for the rest of my life! Anyway, my prac supervisor told us to go home and write in our diaries that we'd performed gel electrophoresis! I don't have a diary, my blog is almost like my diary, so I'm putting this down for the record. His point was that science and technology is moving so quickly that in a few year we'll be able to look back on this and see how far we've gone since then. This made me think about a few things, and I was going to ask my readers (however small the group is) a few questions! A whole paragraph just to get that point...

Advances in medicine and science are all well and good, believe me, they're going to keep me in a job in the future, I'm sure of it. But when does it become too much? This is what I have been wondering lately. For example, the "super bugs" that have shown up over the last few years, MRSA and the like. These bacteria are resistant to antibiotics, and the theory is that we've gone to so much effort to try and kill infections that they've somehow become immune to it all. I could go into the science of this, but basically it's to do with one bacteria having the mutation, surviving and reproducing. Bacteria reproduce at an alarming rate, so next thing you know you've got a whole colony of antibiotic resistant monsters sitting there just waiting to wreak some havoc. Apparently this can all be caused by people not taking their full course of antiobiotics, taking too many antibiotics, or taking the same antibiotics all the time. Why do you think this is happening? Do you think we are too paranoid about germs? Apparently children who are exposed to illness have a stronger immune system, so do you think by being too "clean" we're actually putting people at greater risk of infection and disease? Will this just keep happening until we can't fight infection at all? I ask for your thoughts on this issue!

The other thing I wanted to bring up was genetics and gene technology. This has been important for the last decade or so, because genetics really is a very recent thing. Now that we've got a draft of the human genome, I have to wonder what the next step is. We can now locate genes in the human body, and this would be great for stopping genetic diseases, but of course there will be people who will use this information for personal gain. I'm talking about designer babies and the like. Is it going too far to choose the gender, eye colour, height or personality of your unborn baby? Personally, I'm against the idea of designer babies and genetic engineering for selfish reasons. I don't think it's right at all, and feel that technology like this should be reserved for saving people's lives from horrible illnesses such as Huntington's Disease and Haemophilia.  But then there's all the religious issues, about whether we should be messing around with this kind of stuff anyway. I'm not an expert on it, but I do think it's a brilliant piece of technology and amazing things will come from it in the fiuture. Not only with humans but with creating more nutritious and disease/drought resistant plants as well. Once again, what do you guys think about this? I'm sure those of you doing Year 12 bio at the moment are sick of hearing about it, but have most likely developed your own opinions on the matter and I would love to hear them!

Surely there comes a point where we've gone too far, but I think some of the recent discoveries in science are going to save many, many lives, and I hope one day to be a part of it all!

My Collection

My most treasured possession would have to be my collection of old medical books. I've been buying them from second hand bookshops for about four years now, since mum brought me home an old medical dictionary that I instantly fell in love with. This photo barely even gives an indication of the size of my collection now. The books range from genetics, to microbiology, psychology and family medicine. The majority of them were found in a second hand bookshop in Moonta, some from the Salvos, and recently I found O'Connell's bookshop on Hindley Street. If I had more space on my bookshelf, I would have a lot more books.

I have my favourites of course, three. The first would have to one of the bacteriology books I have found. Manual of Bacteriology is in absolutely perfect condition. I intend on majoring in Microbiology, I just love bacteria and all things related, so I actually read this book very intently, carefully turning each page. (I even gave the cover a clean to make it nice and shiny again.)

Another book I would like to share is the Tutorial Pharmacy book I found. It's from 1930 and it's definitely an interesting read. It was quite concerning when I read about medicines containing arsenic, lead, cyanide and other compounds I wouldn't even consider putting in my body now. My final favourite is the most recent addition to my collection, the Synopsis of Tropical Medicine. I bought this because it was only $9, and being tropical medicine, there were some pretty weird and exotic diseases and illnesses in there. It was when I got home and saw the writing inside the cover that the book became intriguing. Although I can't read the old fashioned cursive writing very well, I  could make out a name and some funny acronym. I consulted mum and the internet and found that "Capt. R.A.M.C." meant Captain of the Royal Army Medical Corps. Underneath the year was written, Jan 45, which is of course towards the end of the Second World War. The last name is impossible for me to work out, but I'm pretty sure the first name is James, initial T. There's also another strange word starting with P with a couple of exclamation marks. I'm absorbed in finding out more about this book, I feel like there could be a story behind it. 

So if you're ever stumped about what to get me for my birthday, I'd love an old copy of Gray's Anatomy. ;)

I'm flawed!

I've come to the conclusion, that my personality is completely flawed. I get the whole "nobody's perfect" thing, and I do like who I am, but there are some things I just wish I could improve on.

Perfectionism is probably my biggest issue. I actually find pleasure in putting a painstaking amount of effort into certain things. This not only includes my assignments and homework, but how I do my hair in the mornings and cleaning my room. However, I'm unsatisfied with what I have done most of the time. I worry about everything while I'm out and about; if my ponytail is sitting perfectly, if the colours in my outfit are balanced okay. I know as a girl I'm expected to worry about my appearance, but this just gets ridiculous. If there's a chip in my nail polish I take it all off. Same goes with my makeup. If I could change something about myself I think this would be it. It interferes way too much in my life.

I think shyness and introversion is another big problem for me. I'm not very comfortable around strangers and I feel like I make things awkward if I do work up the courage to talk to people I don't know. I remember in O'Week, everyone around me was making new friends, but I found it so difficult to approach people and have a conversation with them. Even when people would talk to me, it was hard to give very good answers and keep the conversation going. I worry that being shy gives people the impression that I'm a snob. I'm not. I want to make more friends and be more outgoing and confident with social situations, but it just seems so hard. I tend to keep to myself a lot too. In big groups I rarely speak up, it's much easier for me to talk to people over the phone or internet than it is in person, and I often enjoy doing things that I can do by myself. Group assignments and team sports are a nightmare for me.

I'm obsessive and sensitive. These are probably the things that drive most people away. Maybe some people consider this a good thing, but I get attached to people to the point where I become obsessed and cling to them. This doesn't exactly make me a winner with guys. I will worry when someone doesn't reply to my text messages, and if I have to say goodbye to someone that I really enjoy spending time with I'll feel really, really sad. Being completely fixated on someone has it's downfalls. I'm pretty sure I lost my first boyfriend because of this, because being obsessed leads to being a bit a too sensitive. I'll cry if the person I'm "obsessed" with says anything wrong by me. This is justified at times, but not always. Then I just end up looking pathetic.

I could sit here and list everything that's annoying, frustrating or aggravating about my personality, but I would be here all day. The things I've written about have the biggest effect on my life, and although I said I like who I am, these things cause me so much unnecessary trouble. I can complain about these things, or I can try and change them without changing my personality to the point where I'm not me anymore. But how easy is it to change habits and mannerisms that you've had for most of your life?