Friendship

Friendship has always baffled me. It seems like no matter how much effort I put in, or how hard I try to be a good friend, I just can't get it right. But it's now I realise, I shouldn't have to do those things for a friendship to work. No, I'm not saying that you should stop trying in a friendship, my point more so refers to being the only one who does put in the effort. It feels like, with some people, things don't go anywhere unless I try. Unless I say the first word in conversation, unless I ask them to hang out, unless I ask them for help at a time of need. And in all honesty, it gets tiring. Like any relationship, friendship is a two-way street. For a friendship to flower both people need to communicate and be there for each other, and it seems like this is happening less and less in the friendships going on in my life. I don't know if it's just me. I get frustrated very easily and lose my patience with people. But when someone is constantly shutting down your advice and still complaining, what can you do? When they cause drama over the smallest things? When they don't support you? When they start to criticise your other friends? There is a line, and when it's crossed, you will get no sympathy from me. There's those friends who make a big deal out of everything and drag you down with them. There are those friends who'll ditch you the moment someone better comes along. There are those friends who take everything they need before running off to the next person they need something from. I know what you're thinking, I need a new friends. And you know what? I probably do. I said to my mother just last night, sometimes I wish I could just have male friends. Life would be simpler, easier. But who would I talk about shoes with? I wouldn't have anyone to discuss boys with. And I wouldn't be able to have my bitching sessions when they are required. I love my friends, most of them anyway. And we're all drama queens, girls are never going to get along perfectly (there are some exceptions to this, ie. my best friends). It all comes down to how long we can put up with each other, and whether it's going to be worth it in the end.

My Study Playlist

Yes, it that awful, awful time of year - exams! It is during this time that I begin to appreciate my music a lot more than I normally do. I can't study in silence, I always need to have music playing, so I've come up with a list of songs that I personally enjoy listening to while I'm cramming all of that information into my brain in the week leading up to those horrible things.

I think everyone needs to start with songs that will get them going, before exhaustion and, probably to a greater extent, boredom hits. You need boppy, happy songs, nothing depressing.

Hold Music - Architecture in Helsinki
Valerie - Mark Ronson/Amy Winehouse
Oh Hark! - Lisa Mitchell
The Well and the Lighthouse - The Arcade Fire
Witchdoctor - Little Red
Life is Better With You - Eskimo Joe
Wheels - Foo Fighters
E-Boogie - The Living End
Magic Fountain - Art vs Science
Sunday Best - Washington
Alice May - Andy Clockwise
Good Dancers - The Sleepy Jackson
Dawn of the Dead - Does it Offend You Yeah?
Catch my Disease - Ben Lee
Ta Douleur - Camille

You know, just to name a few...

And then, when the day is wearing thin, you need some motivational music to pick yourself back up again!

Teenager of the Year - Lo-Tel
Affirmation - Savage Garden
Today - Smashing Pumpkins
Everybody Hurts - REM
The Motivation Proclamation - Good Charlotte (obviously)
Defying Gravity - Wicked Cast (well, I have the Glee version)
Somewhere Over the Rainbow - Judy Garland

AND THE ULTIMATE MOTIVATIONAL SONG...

I always listen to this before uni and it never, ever fails to get me going.

So what do you like to listen to when you're hitting the books?

Decisions - Is it too early to start making them?

Over the last few weeks, I've been thinking a lot about my personality and the way I act in certain situations. I'm writing a blog post about this because getting my thoughts down in writing seems like the easiest way to clarify them. I'm starting to think that I should stick with being a medical scientist and not continue on to being a doctor. Over-thinking things has always been a terrible habit of mine, and I don't know whether it's too soon to start thinking about something that's so far into the future, or if it's important to make these kind of decisions now. I know, I'll never truly know until I get there, but what if I do study Medicine for four years and then realise I'm not cut out for it when I begin my internship? I don't think I am emotionally strong enough to be a doctor, nor am I very good at making quick, accurate decisions in critical moments. I handle pressure well, but when it comes to making the right choices on the spot, I just crack. I don't think I could handle someone dying on me, I don't think I could handle not being able to help someone... I know I've said I want to specialise in pathology, which is okay, because those "patients" are either dead, or you're just working in the lab. But there's still the four years working in a hospital prior to specialising; that's what scares me. I know I'm still young, I have a lot to learn about life still and I am sure experience will make my emotional "intelligence" so to speak a lot stronger than it is now. But I still worry. I want to be a doctor, I have for years. There's nothing more I want to do with my life than to be a healer. I want to cure the ill, help those who need and rely on me. But maybe I'll have to do it in other ways, I might not be right for this career at all.

My Personality

I've been trying to come up with new ways to procrastinate while studying for my exams (which are in two weeks, eep!) and I distracted myself from Psychology revision with a personality test; almost ironic right? This was just a short online quiz, 72 questions, apparently based on the Myers-Briggs Personality Test.

And so after answering questions as honestly as possible, it was revealed that my personality type is INFJ. Hmm, what does this mean? According to this result, I am...

• A moderately expressed introvert
• I have a distinctively expressed intuitive personality
• A moderately expressed feeling personality
• And a slightly expressed judging personality

It then went on to tell me that I should be a teacher, a counsellor, or work in social service, because apparently those four letters correspond to 'counsellor'. Uh, no thanks. But the rest of it was pretty spot on! Here's the description it gave me.

"Beneath the quiet exterior, INFJs hold deep convictions about the weightier matters of life. Those who are activists, INFJs gravitate toward such a role, are there for the cause, not for personal glory or political power. INFJs are champions of the oppressed and downtrodden. They often are found in the wake of an emergency, rescuing those who are in acute distress. INFJs may fantasize about getting revenge on those who victimize the defenseless. The concept of 'poetic justice' is appealing to the INFJ. Accurately suspicious about others' motives, INFJs are not easily led. These are the people that you can rarely fool any of the time. Though affable and sympathetic to most, INFJs are selective about their friends. Such a friendship is a symbiotic bond that transcends mere words. INFJs have a knack for fluency in language and facility in communication. In addition, nonverbal sensitivity enables the INFJ to know and be known by others intimately. Writing, counseling, public service and even politics are areas where INFJs frequently find their niche."

Blah blah blah, I jumped down to the part when it told me about famous INFJs. Jerry Seinfeld, Nicole Kidman, Mel Gibson, Martin Luther King Jr... Mother Teresa? Interesting.

I think these kind of tests are quite good at picking up people's personalities. Unless you were completely dishonest, your results would give a good picture at what you're like.