Saturday, 5 November 2011

It's been a while!

You can tell I've been working harder this semester, I haven't posted since uni went back after the mid-year break, but here I am now, writing in the midst of my final exam week. I have to wonder what on Earth has possessed me to start writing in the busiest and most stressful week of the term, but that's just it I suppose, the stress. Adelaide is lonely, I'll be the first to say. Living away from home is especially hard when you're embarking on such an important part of your life, and your best friends are three hours away. Yes, I know, three hours doesn't seem like they're very far away, but my gosh, it definitely feels like it when I'm having a big sook.

If there's one thing I've learnt this year it's that there isn't always going to be someone there to talk to. You try so hard not to bother your friends, or you don't feel close enough to your new friends to drop a bomb shell on them when you're feeling down, or you simply don't have a soul in the world who you know is going to be all ears. I've learnt that this doesn't end well. Everyone's different, I know this. Some people don't talk to anyone about how they're feeling, or their problems, they just deal with things themselves and it works out fine. I am not one of those people. If I don't talk to someone the sadness just eats away at me. I'm a big sap when something upsets me. I simply must have a cry and know someone's always there. I'm not clingy, I'm not pathetic, I'm not always sad. I just really like talking to people.

Unfortunately, I've hit this point in my life where I feel like my world is falling apart around me. I think that's why I'm writing this post. At the moment, I'm slipping out of control, and the perfect walls I'd built up are crumbling down. And I have no one to talk to. Yes, I have Rebecca, and Maddi and Sarah (my favourite people in the whole world, and they know it too) but once again, distance has come between us. What I would give to have someone I could go to, someone who was just around the corner, someone who I could count on, to have fun with and make me forget about all these pointless things I stress over and make me smile. I guess it's reasons like these that I wish I had a boyfriend, but it's not necessary. All I need is a friend who enjoys my company as much as I enjoy theirs.

Yes, I know what this is starting to sounds. Wah wah wah, I have no friends. My life sucks, wah wah wah. But it doesn't. I have an amazing bunch of friends, and nearly everything I could possibly want in life. But lately, I'm losing that. I feel like I'm losing the one person I connected with down here, because of my stupid feelings and my annoyance complex. I'm tired of feeling like I bother everyone around me, and I'm tired of feeling lonely. Tired of friendships that make no sense to me, but tired of chasing after people when I don't know if they even want me around. Tired of it all. But what happens if I just give up? I don't want to think about it.

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