Wednesday, 18 May 2011

Feeling blue.

I'm having a sad day today. This blog post is more for my benefit than anything else I think so feel free to give it a miss if you don't want to hear about the silly little things bothering me. I'm hoping that by the time I finish writing this my head will be much clearer and I will feel better. I know I said this new blog was a fresh start but I think I just need to get all this down and out of my head.

My friends are probably sick of hearing about it, everyone's probably sick of hearing about it. But for some reason my break up still bothers me. Some days that is. Usually I'm fine. And what annoys me most is that it's not even because I miss him, or still love him (Thank goodness, makes things a lot easier), but because I am so confused about it. Most of the time I just don't think about it, but today it's getting to me. I still don't know why we broke up, why he just decided he didn't really want to be with me one day, after begging for me to come back the first time I tried to call it off. I do feel so much better since I put him out of my life, but he's still stuck in my mind, and catching glances of him at uni doesn't really help. If only you could permanently delete someone from your life. Even then, it might not change anything. It's this lack of closure that upsets me, and everyone just keeps telling me to put it behind me and move on... But how can I? I just want to know if there's something I've done, or something that happened with him... Was there another girl? Was there something I failed to see coming? It's even harder to move on when I remember all the mean things that were said to me. They just stick in my mind, barely even linked to him, but they sting like crazy. Being called unintelligent for being a biology student, accused of being boring and uninteresting... Of course those things are going to upset me. But once again, I'm told I just should just forget about these things. With time everything heals. I think I'm just angry about it all.

Sigh, pass me the tissues.

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