I've come to the conclusion, that my personality is completely flawed. I get the whole "nobody's perfect" thing, and I do like who I am, but there are some things I just wish I could improve on.
Perfectionism is probably my biggest issue. I actually find pleasure in putting a painstaking amount of effort into certain things. This not only includes my assignments and homework, but how I do my hair in the mornings and cleaning my room. However, I'm unsatisfied with what I have done most of the time. I worry about everything while I'm out and about; if my ponytail is sitting perfectly, if the colours in my outfit are balanced okay. I know as a girl I'm expected to worry about my appearance, but this just gets ridiculous. If there's a chip in my nail polish I take it all off. Same goes with my makeup. If I could change something about myself I think this would be it. It interferes way too much in my life.
I think shyness and introversion is another big problem for me. I'm not very comfortable around strangers and I feel like I make things awkward if I do work up the courage to talk to people I don't know. I remember in O'Week, everyone around me was making new friends, but I found it so difficult to approach people and have a conversation with them. Even when people would talk to me, it was hard to give very good answers and keep the conversation going. I worry that being shy gives people the impression that I'm a snob. I'm not. I want to make more friends and be more outgoing and confident with social situations, but it just seems so hard. I tend to keep to myself a lot too. In big groups I rarely speak up, it's much easier for me to talk to people over the phone or internet than it is in person, and I often enjoy doing things that I can do by myself. Group assignments and team sports are a nightmare for me.
I'm obsessive and sensitive. These are probably the things that drive most people away. Maybe some people consider this a good thing, but I get attached to people to the point where I become obsessed and cling to them. This doesn't exactly make me a winner with guys. I will worry when someone doesn't reply to my text messages, and if I have to say goodbye to someone that I really enjoy spending time with I'll feel really, really sad. Being completely fixated on someone has it's downfalls. I'm pretty sure I lost my first boyfriend because of this, because being obsessed leads to being a bit a too sensitive. I'll cry if the person I'm "obsessed" with says anything wrong by me. This is justified at times, but not always. Then I just end up looking pathetic.
I could sit here and list everything that's annoying, frustrating or aggravating about my personality, but I would be here all day. The things I've written about have the biggest effect on my life, and although I said I like who I am, these things cause me so much unnecessary trouble. I can complain about these things, or I can try and change them without changing my personality to the point where I'm not me anymore. But how easy is it to change habits and mannerisms that you've had for most of your life?