Who would have though that after waiting five long years for it to all be over, I would actually miss highschool. As you all know, I'm currently in my first year at uni. Graduating highschool last year was probably one of the greatest moments of my life. It was such a relief to know that never again would I have to step back through those gates and spend six hours of my day doing things I didn't really feel like doing. But some days, I just wish I could go back.
The main thing I miss about highschool, and it sounds so cliche, is the people. It was so easy to catch up with all of my friends, and just talk to anyone. I had a pretty small Year 12 class, so the majority of us got along really well. At uni, it's sometimes possible to go an entire day without talking to anyone. Although I'm beginning to increase my social network here, at first I didn't know anyone but a few school friends, and it was easy to feel lonely, even in a lecture theatre of 700 students. But even though I've made friends at uni, I miss my old friendship group from school. I loved those girls, and the guys. I felt comfortable coming to school and knowing they would always be there; in all my classes, at recess, at lunch. We'd just be able to sit down and talk about everything. These days, it would be impossible to spend six hours a day, five days a week with them, and I'm already starting to feel distance with people I was once best friends with. I know this is just a fact of life in general, but it still sucks, no one can deny that. I'm actually closer to friends that didn't move to Adelaide than some of the people I came to uni with. One of my old school friends, who stayed in Port Pirie, still faithfully emails me about everything going on in her life, and I do the same back. But in Adelaide, it's difficult to either find time to hang out with your friends, or they too have moved on to bigger and better things.
I think about how things were at school and I feel sad. I miss the best friend I had through the last 3 years of highschool. But it seems like things with her will never be the way they used to be. This is partly because of actions on my behalf, but I think moving to a big city has an awful lot to do with it as well. The same thing happened with my relationship. Through my final year of highschool, I had a relationship that I felt really comfortable in. It was still a bit rocky, but we saw each other everyday at school, and on weekends. However, after moving to Adelaide, things just became trickier. Although I don't know the reasons for the break up, we drfited apart for reasons to do with uni and living in Adelaide. I think one of the biggest problems was that he lived in Mount Barker; an hour long bus ride for me, and he only owned a motorcycle. The other issue was that going to uni AND having a girlfriend seemed to be too much for him to take on. Once again, things might have ended regardless of moving or not, but I do often dream of turning time back to 10 months ago when I felt like I had the closest knit group of friends and the most loving boyfriend in the world.
The other big reason I miss highschool, is my grades. University came as a bit of a shock for me. My tutor informed us that a credit is an exceptionally good mark at uni, and to get a distinction or high distinction is just incredible. I couldn't understand this. In Year 11 and Year 12 particularly, if I got anything less than a B I was devastated. Admittedley, I am not like this now, but going from getting A's for the majority of my subjects, to barely passing some at uni was a big deal. This was the case for Chemistry in particular. I was never amazing at Chemistry, but I was always a B student. Come to uni and I fail a test, an assignment, and sit in all my lectures with a blank stare on my face. Biology was another one. I liked getting upwards of 90% in highschool for Biology. It's my comfort zone, I put a lot more effort into it than other classes (probably not a good thing actually), and when I saw 14/20 on my first uni test, I was pretty upset. My tutor kept repeating, that's a credit! That's a good mark! I expect that from science students! But I couldn't help but feel disappointed in myself. I've come to terms with this now, and as I've been told by many other students, "P's get degrees". Unfortunately if I even want to consider getting into Honours or postgrad Medicine, I can't just get P's. But the truth is, you can still get your degree without acing every course. And at uni, it's not as competitive. In highschool, everyone knew each other's grades and it felt like we were all competing against each other to be dux or top of the class. Oh no, now I'm going on about things I didn't like about highschool. That's not what I was talking about, back to the topic!
Finally, I miss my teachers. The people I never thought I would miss. There is plenty of support for us at uni, but during my senior year especially, the teachers just seemed to be there for us every step of the way. They didn't spoon feed us, or baby us to the point where we couldn't fend for ourselves, but without their help I would have found Year 12 much more difficult than it was. Even if you just needed to talk, or vent, or scream, or even cry (which poor Mrs Rohde had to deal with a lot), they were always around, even those who weren't our subject teachers. Our senior teachers knew everything about us. At times it was like they knew what was going on in our lives better than we did. I honestly miss the friendships I had with them. At formal in particular, they didn't feel like my teachers. I wish I could have put them in a suitcase and brought them to uni with me. Even if they were just standing in the background shouting "You can do it Karagh!"
Yes, at times, I would do anything to go back to highschool. But I'm starting to become more mature, and more accustomed to university life. I'll never stop missing my friends, my teachers, or my report cards, but bigger and better things are waiting on the horizon for me too. I just need to pick myself up and move forward.